RED: Delaplane Cellars

Before I get into this post, I have to admit that this was not exactly our first visit to Delaplane Cellars. We tried to go when Jeremiah was about 5 months old and snuggled firmly into a baby carrier. We saw the sign outside that said 21+, but for most places, that just means they don’t want toddlers running around or teenagers sulking, which we get. (I honestly don’t remember if the “no infants” part registered at the time.) But the second we stepped inside, we were greeted with “Didn’t you see the sign!?! We don’t allow kids!!!” Um..okay. Cool. It’s your place of business, so you’re welcome to your rules, but have a little customer service. Fortunately, they were willing to let me (and my horrible child) stay long enough to use their restroom. Also, PS, there was like, one other couple there at the time of our failed visit, so I really do feel like SOME sort of accommodation could’ve been made. Not that we expect everyone to fawn over us and our (admittedly gorgeous) children, but there are good ways to enforce your rules and crappy ways to enforce them, and Delaplane clearly took the latter.

On our second visit, we left the Tiny Chaperones at home and brought Michael and Katie along with us. We got to try the wines, but it was still a pretty miserable experience. First, there were fruit flies EVERYWHERE. Look. I worked in a winery. I know it’s a thing they deal with, but there are also measures you can take to help eliminate the problem. Hide bug zappers and sticky strips where patrons can’t see them. Leave open glasses of wine scattered around (also out of sight) as fruit fly traps. Whatever. But their solution was to give us a coaster to put over our glass between sips. Or just take Paul’s advice: “I can tell them how to solve this problem. Frogs. Everyone loves frogs.”

Second, they were super busy, which, you know, good for them. But our server was distracted to the point that another server came over to pour our next wine, and by the time our server FINALLY came back to us, she had no idea which wine we were on. And forget getting any tasting notes or history on the winery. Didn’t happen.

And finally, we just didn’t like the vibe. The servers had perpetual stank face, and the crowd was clearly there to be Serious Wine Drinkers. If you want to hang out in an adults-only winery, we get it. Sometimes, we want to get away from the kids, too. But have some fun while you’re out. You’re drinking wine, for goodness sake! There’s no reason to walk around like you have a stick up your butt the whole time.

So, mazal tov, Delaplane on being our first Red. Your wines aren’t terrible, but your atmosphere and customer service make us never, ever want to darken your doorstep again.

Rating: Red (We’re never going back not ever because ew.)
Tasting: $14 for 8
Price: Average to high ($23 – $57)
Kid Friendly: Not even a little bit.
Highlights: Fruit flies everywhere.
Time Since Lacy Last Ate: ~3.5 hours
Strangers Invited to Dinner: 0, because who would want to with that crowd?

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